Unfortunately, the tool matters

Unfortunately, it took me an embarrassing amount of time looking for the "perfect" tool to write. I even tried handwriting essays and learned that my hands cannot handle that much long-form writing anymore if I wanted them to be legible. So off to digital tools I go.

Like every older Gen Z, I wrote my first stories and essays on either Google Docs or MS Word. Unfortunately, my brain had been trained to look at the white blank page as an actual tool to produce something coherent. But after all the bullsh*t from these big tech corpos, I choose to move away from them.

Now, I used to be a Notion girlie. And I tried, so hard, to make it my everything app but it did not work out. I left Notion 2 years after discovering it, that is another story. So, down the note-taking apps rabbit hole I go. I am ashamed to say that I wasted precious time doing that.

However, I need to give both Obsidian and Bear a special mention since I am still using both for different reasons. But again, unfortunately, I still cannot write my silly little stories nor my silly little essays there.

Staring at an empty markdown page is worst than an empty document, at least that is what my brain kept telling. I attribute these two apps for productivity instead of a tool for my creativity. I do not find any friction writing notes, annotations, or any type of record keeping on them. But when it comes to writing a story or an essay or even just anything remotely "creative" like brainstorming or outlining, nothing comes up.

Is it my brain? Is it the the apps? Is it my attention span? To be honest with you I have no freaking idea what is going on.

And then I discovered Ellipsus which is what I am using right now.

This is not a promo for Ellipsus, by the way. I don't think this is going to have much reach anyway. But, yes, another app has entered the chat and so far so good. I might only have a handful of files on here, but it has allowed me a few hundred words a day already. Perhaps it is the page interface that my brain is yearning?

This is not the first time I tried an app with this kind of interface. I used Craft too during my descent to the rabbit hole when they marketed themselves as an alternative to Google Docs. Like Ellipsus, it also has a Page interface, so it could probably be that. Unfortunately, like any other note-taking app at that time, they went the AI route which I despise. So I fled.

So when I say the tool matters. Unfortunately to me, it does.

I wanted to be the romanticize version of a writer that can write everywhere and on everything, but not me. I even had a Travelers notebook to bring anywhere I go, but again, it does not work for me. I need to let go of the idea of what a writer is supposed to look like and just… write. But after years long creativity slump that I had, I was desperate to try anything. So here we are.

Anyway, this is my another attempt of removing the anxiety of posting my writings out in public again. So here you are.

I need to talk about the very real fear of being accused as AI that contributes to my anxiety in the big year 2026. I need to do that next time because I have a lot to say. Also, I love putting pictures on my blog posts because it feels legit. Anyway, the excessive use of the word "unfortunately" here is deliberate.

Because we are in a really unfortunate time nowadays… unfortunately.